If You’re a Conservative…
Poignant and well put. Pretty much *SPOT* on.
If you’re a conservative, you suck for letting Republicans, Democrats, and liberals co-opt and distort whatever value fervent but nuanced conservatism might have once offered a world desperately in need of genuine “live and let live” rationality. You suck for hardly even noticing that in the public eye, your purported ideology has become a walking corpse at best, and a sorry little misnomer at worst.
If you’re a Republican, you suck for arming yourself with the safe, dependable rhetoric of feel-good philosopies for dummies and fictional history. For waging a despotic war against nearly every kind of abstract advancement — moral, philosophical, technological and artistic — there is or might ever be. For indulging yourself in a long, thickly lubricated tautological hand job that will never end, and never really feel good.
If you’re a Democrat, you suck for joining a club whose charter reads simply “Not that other stupid club.” For exploiting the contrary nature of the young or the oppressed instead of doing the hard work of monitoring your own integrity. For your inability to laugh without permission, and your refusal to tolerate surprises or challenges in your ostensible pursuit of enlightenment.
If you’re a liberal, you suck for fooling yourself into thinking you know dick about anything that ever really mattered. For mistaking fashion for consensus, endorphins for success, and disposition for depth of character. For thinking that reading a book is the same as asking an original question or understanding another human being.
For being the titular organized agent of human progress, and owning the shiniest bathroom mirror to prove it.
